Badminton for Beginners

• Alley - where badminton was played before legalization in 1873.
• Ankle - Dutch word for single. Also: vital part of the lower leg that can start to hurt like hell at any given moment (when you 'sprain' it), so that you have to keep your leg up into the air for weeks and have yourself regularly palpated by some creep of a physiotherapist.
• Australian doubles - When you face two opponents all alone because your partner is "down under" from one too many Fosters.
• Backhand - Your typical badminton player has, besides a left hand and a right hand, a backhand and a forehand as well. With righthanded players the backhand is on the lefthand side and with lefthanded players vice versa (with one-armed players the backhand is on the stump side by definition). Backhand is very difficult.
• Back service line - the short line at the back of the doubles service court, which is irrelevant after the serve and in singles - that is, an incomprehensible device, much like hockey's "blue line."
• Badminton - Named after Lord Edward `bad' Minton (1817-1926), Attorney General in British India; Pitiful forehand the chap had. The tale that Badminton would be the name of the estate of the Duke of Beaufort in England, where the game is supposedly played for the first time, shouldn't be taken seriously.
• Ball - Is only used with badminton in the expression: `good ball!'. Quality in a shuttle will usually be described with: `nice shuttle'.
• Clear - High stroke from one end of the field to the other. Isn't very easy altogether. Boys are usually better at it than girls, let that be clear.
• Condition - The opposite of poor stamina. Cannot be purchased and can only be obtained by tenaciously running rounds, doing pushups and working out.
• Drive - Nice song from The Cars, from the LP Heartbeat City of 1986. Also: hard, flat stroke.
• Drop - When you drop the shuttle, be sure it's on the other side of the net. You may apologize to your opponent about it, and ask him to pick it up and return it to you. There you have a point!
• Doubles service rules - if you have to ask, play singles.
• Even service court - for twilight play.
• Finish - Badminton is war. He who has trouble finishing his opponent is better off playing the game of goose.
• Flick service - Clever, fast, dexterous - or unexpected, unsporting, mean *service (depending on if it's you or your opponent being able to perform one)
• Forehand - Just about the opposite of *backhand.
• Gut - the best place to hit your opponent with a stone-hard *smash.
• Hairpin Drop - generally occurs only in Laidies' games.
• Iron - Exclusively used as an exclamation (`Shit! Iron!') when the *shuttle is being hit innacurately. Stems from the long gone past when *rackets weren't usually made out of carbon fibre reinforced polycyclical autoclave processed thermosetting composites, but out of iron and wood.
• Ladies' doubles - With badminton all women and girls suddenly are being called 'ladies' (while everyone knows that a proper lady will never be running and jumping on a playing-field like a fool). In doubles there are two of them.
• Let - what you must do when you can't afford your own court.
• Lob(e) - Part of the brain where the badminton centre is located.
• Men's doubles - Ladies' doubles, but with men (or boys). Why men aren't properly being called 'gentlemen' in badminton remains unclear. Is it because a gentleman will walk but never run?
• Mix - Each game with four participants that isn't a *ladies' doubles or a *men's doubles. Is usually preceded by the invitation: 'Wanna mix?'.
• Odd service court - Reserved for eccentric (that is, English) players.
• Overhead - Even more difficult than *backhand.
• Overhead-forehand-clear - Is really, really difficult, especially to pronounce.
• Racket - Literally: loud noise. Try and hit a cymbal, shop window or football support with it and you'll see why this is.
• Rally - Exchange of strokes. Probably came into use after the notorious fight during the 24-hours men's doubles in Monte Carlo (1917).
• Service - Be nice to your opponent once in a while. Pick the *shuttle from the floor after you've won a *rally and pass it to him. He may do anything with it that he wants - except returning it of course.
• Service court - place of judicial proceedings against rude badminton players; presided over by Justice Learned Backhand.
• Setting - Just when you thought the counting system of badminton was a masterpiece of simplicity, you get situations that seem like tennis!
• Shuttle - To and fro, it keeps going to and fro. Obviously named after the unwearying American spacecraft.
• Side-by-side - System at which the players have sworn to stand by each other and to each defend their own territory.
• Single - Nice unattached man or woman seeks other nice unattached man or women for a good bit of...
• Smash - Stone-hard blow with no subtlety whatsoever.
• Tattoo - A very pretty round mark given an opponent (or partner) for free (well, with a partner, _you_ may need to pay for it) when they happen to get in the way of a hard-hit shot.
• Up-and-back - spontaneous do-see-do during a badminton game to confuse your opponents (see *side-by-side).
• Warning - Some of the above terms aren't real badminton words at all. Sorry.
• Wood - See Iron